The weekend, I made over 20 calls of about 15 minutes each - back to back.
It was grueling. And exciting.
First, I found out that batching really works: if you have multiple tasks that require similar ( or identical) tools and patterns to solve, put them all together.
We already batch with laundry—imagine washing each shirt as soon as it’s dirty.
That would be odd, no?
That’s why I’m working towards having full days —or at least long buckets of hours—where I focus on similar tasks: writing, editing, ideation, planning, cleaning, etc.
But why would I have 20 calls? And all in one day?
Remember my last email where I said I wanted to teach? I sent out a call for people who want to learn how to write. I thought I’d get about 3, then beg my wife and sister to join the class so I’d have 5.
Boy was I wrong.
I had over 20 people who wanted to improve their writing.
Even though this is a free class, I realized, over the weekend that I would not be able to properly serve every person who I said yes to.
Yeup—I realized I’d have to say no to more than 3/4 of the people who applied.
I didn’t arrive at this realization alone. This is where the whole feedback situation comes in.
You see, when you create content and put yourself “out in the world” a common side-effect of showing up consistently is that you grow a thick skin: you start getting really good at not taking unfavorable feedback personally.
But does this mean you’re immune?
Hell no.
I said you get good. You improve.
My friend B. ( who has been super instructive during this period) gave me some really ballbusting feedback. I had no idea I needed to hear what she had to say.
The same way the email Jae sent to me got my blood boiling.
When I look back to moments when things “clicked” or I finally understood a part of me I wasn’t familiar with, there’s always an aspect of negative feedback.
My theory is that when we are born and grow-up, we’re shielded by our parents and society. Even when we aren’t, we’re not aware of the conditioning we’re subjected to.
We take on religions, interests, hobbies—even dreams from our environment.
We carry these on. Some people are lucky that their innate talent and environment cross over, they’re able to find fulfillment in what they’ve been guided to be.
Others have to fight for the rest of their lives—they’re always called the Blacksheep of the family because they choose their own path.
Negative feedback is anything that threatens what we believe to be true.
Belief, doesn’t require proof, does it?
So, if you see the world a certain way, and believe it to be that way, you don’t really need proof.
When someone shows up and questions that belief, your whole mental model for that belief is now questioned.
There are 3 main ways we react to this:
We argue to prove they’re wrong.
We ignore and choose to hold on without a fight.
We argue to change their minds to “come to our side”.
I think all 3 ways are a momentous waste of time and a copout for the harder task of this nature:
Reflecting on what they’ve said to see if what we believe is true for us.
When it’s true, there’s no need to argue or ignore. We can let them know they’re right and our ego won’t feel a thing.
Ego is what wants us to fight for our values and even impose them on others.
But, when we allow them to say their thing—then we parse it through our own minds and beliefs, we are able at that moment to suspend ego and simply seek the truth.
When we start seeing negative feedback that way, we realize that all along, there was nothing “negative” about it.
It was just feedback.
Like gravity, it just exists. It’s impartial: if you go up, you will come down.
Many things in this world are like gravity. I could even argue that: nearly everything is. Things happen whether want them or not and it’s up to us to see the truth they bring and thus learn who we are through them.
When someone says you’re wrong: ask them why they think so, listen and find truth.
There is always truth.
Is their thinking flawed? Are they providing a perspective you didn’t consider?
Or are they simply carrying a set of beliefs that makes them think what you believe is impossible?
Creators face this on a regular basis; people telling you which career is more suitable. Or what to share online or not share.
Then again, who isn’t a creator?
We are made to make—to rule this world: our worlds.
That world begins with your mind, body, and soul. Because if you can’t rule that, then what can you rule?
Tomorrow I will have to tell a dozen excited people that I can’t work with them.
I am not excited about it. But without the feedback I got, I would not have seen the truth in the work I’d be doing and how much that quality would drop if I took too much.
Of course, because they showed interest in my course, they’ll get something in return before the course becomes paid.
Not all feedback is created equally, not every person’s opinion should matter.
But there always is some truth in all—it’s your job to find it.
This week, I published a book review of The Alchemist on my YouTube channel. I also made an odd poem targeting artists and people who give excuses about their lives.
I also listened to Sunny Lenarduzzi on Jon Morrow’s Podcast - great gems there if you’re thinking of YouTube marketing.
I got interviewed on the Atalaku Podcast by my new friend Claudel. The episode came out today, you can listen here.
If you’d like to find out who B. is, here’s her podcast. Heads-up, it’s in French. :)