What if the memory of your existence was wiped away?
What if you woke up, turned around to kiss your partner and he said:" Who are you? Why are you kissing me? "
Or you called your parents and they said: "Is this a joke? Who am I speaking with?"
I had this thought a few days ago. I couldn't imagine the distress of being in such a position.
I think we all have people we love, but we don't really share enough of that love. People we take for granted.
Maybe it's even ourselves - what if you suddenly lost your ability to perform something that has been so core to you, that it's something you "called" yourself.
A writer who can't write. A teacher who can't teach. A sibling who no longer knows what it means to be supportive to a family member.
What would happen if by some magic, you lost that piece of you?
I haven't lost anything. Not really. I have had moments - even months - where I felt like I have.
My drive. My talent. My love. My curiosity. Life has a way of making this kind of bad magic happen.
Lately, however, I started journaling again. For myself. I haven't published online. I have been writing to myself, gathering my thoughts, laying down the nasty,disgusting, fearful things that pop up in my mind and then proceeding to question it.
I can't say I have figured out a morning routine yet, but my 3 minute journal template has:
3 things I'm grateful for. What I'm looking forward to. What I could do differently. An experiment/hypothesis to try. And more.
Maybe I have found a way to counter this magic if it were to happen. By collecting my thoughts, my memories, I document a way for me to not forget myself.
I'm no longer just a passenger.
The cool thing is no one has to read it. In fact, it's better if no one does. The relationship with self, I think, is even more important than the relationship with others. We can't give what we don't have.
So, yeah, if everyone forgot who I was, it would probably suck balls.
But I'll look back to the journal entries and be like:
"If I did it once, I can do it again."
Then I'll start loving them all over again and make new bonds.