Photo credits: Jerod Young
If you’re like me, when you enjoy something, it stops being work. If you love to sing, even if you’re exhausted and your throat may hurt, the pain of not singing hurts more than the physical hurt of your throat.
I’ve been thinking about this as I journey to live a life I want.
I used to think that a life of creation was for others. That only other people could live fully from creating and doing work that matters to them. I would watch these YouTubers or writers and even when I hear how they say “anyone” can do it, a part of me always said, “ Yeah, right, you can say that because [ include an excuse I made up]”.
Why do I do this?
Honestly, I think it’s because we always get in our own way. I could blame the limiting beliefs I carry with me — things like if I don’t work hard, I cannot succeed. Or that I cannot be as good as someone else if I don’t have the exact conditions they have.
I’ve been planning more lately. Not just plans for the future, but consuming content to rewire my mind.
Topics I am actively exploring include: consciousness, wealth, beliefs, and identity.
Moments earlier, I was watching a video from a new creator I found, Aaron Doughty, and I found myself getting immersed in a lot of what he was saying. Although I consider myself a spiritual person, as I was listening to him, I slowly realized that maybe I wasn’t that spiritual.
It got me thinking of the conversations I often have with my friend Elodie, and how her perspectives on God, love and other topics seem to come from a place of deeper understanding and conviction.
Aaron wasn’t talking about God. He was addressing topics such as why you should not believe in “yourself” because this “self” is mostly created from bad habits, other people’s (mostly our parents) frameworks and many things that hinder the progress we seek.
He also made a video where he explained how “needing” things is exactly how we don’t get them.
Throughout this, and especially recently, I realized that one of my biggest mental blocks was that I wasn’t really sharing my journey with you.
When I started writing, it was because I wrote about my heartbreaks that I was able to get past them. I shared many things that allowed me to connect at a deeper level and through it all, what I realize now is that because I was able to articulate and let go of the feelings associated with the “bad” things, I was able to move on.
For the past few years, I haven’t done this. I haven’t really been honest. I haven’t shared things that scared or embarrassed me.
I’ve hidden my fears and used depression or the weather to cover it up. I have lowered the stakes I am aiming for, just so I could seem “cool”.
You may be reading this and wondering: “But Kamga, your writing is still vulnerable and honest. You still share from the heart!”
I would then ask you this: when you convince someone of something you know isn’t true, does it make it true?
My intentions haven’t matched my actions. What I understand now from binging Aaron’s videos it’s that I have been looking at creating life from my creativity from a limiting perspective.
I understand now that if I continue like this, there is no chance in hell that I will ever build the lifestyle I want.
And this is because I need it too much. I push it away by wanting it so badly instead of becoming it.
I know that sounds super strange - forgive me that my new enlightenment is quite primitive. Essentially, all those things that I think I want, I already have them.
Money will bring me freedom. I can have freedom right now. I don’t need the money to do that.
A loving relationship would make me feel like a happy husband. I can be a happy husband and act from that place.
Getting subscribers on YouTube would make me a legit YouTuber or I can realize I am a YouTuber and make legit videos - right now.
This is how we change reality.
In order for me to make the money I want, I need to stop wanting it and become the person who already has the money and act from there.
Like I said, strange if you’ve never dealt with it.
Somehow, throughout these years, I started getting scared of sharing my journey. My fears, my worries, my mistakes. I kept them inside and gave a veneer of growth and adaptation.
When it came out forcefully, it was incredibly disgusting and borderline scary. I would write about being in a dark place because I refused to sit with myself and revisit what I was telling myself and my intentions.
This makes me wonder: who really knows your journey?
Who can see that you’re making progress? That you’re growing? That you’re becoming who you knew yourself to be from the get-go?
Why should this matter?
Because that’s who you inspire. That’s who changes their lives because they know you’re not just pontificating or rehashing words from a self-help book.
Today, I own my journey. Today, I turn a new page. I stop to need it. I start to be.
I am a successful creative entrepreneur who lives life on his own terms.
Period.
You may see it down the road - but we’re not on the same timeline. For that reason, I will keep updating you on each step that gets that reality closer to a form you can behold.
From this week forward, you’ll be getting two emails from me.
Mondays at 9 pm MST and Fridays and 9 am MST.
These emails would not be anywhere else. They’ll contain:
Things I think you’ll find valuable on your own journey,
Things I have made that I would love for you to support me on. These would include articles, podcasts, and videos.
Honest, vulnerable and valuable stories from my journey to being a successful creative entrepreneur
Products and services I have made or use, that I think would make a positive difference for you.
In the past, I have used some of my pieces here to share on Medium. That’s no longer going to happen.
This newsletter will have exclusive content you won’t be able to find anywhere else, even on Medium.
On Mondays like today, I’ll share a message to spark your week. Something you can carry with you on your path, to inspire you to take action.
On Fridays, we’ll reflect on who we are becoming. We’ll take a moment to make sure we’re not just coasting with life.
Each of those days, I will send you links to stuff I have made and I would be grateful if you could go to those articles and clap ( if on Medium) and share as well.
Most importantly though, I would love to create content that helps you on your journey and for this reason, I would be sending questionnaires, like this one, so you can tell me individually how I can be of service to you with my gift.
We’re on this journey together. You made a decision to subscribe to my newsletter and for this, you have my gratitude and respect.
I want you to stay here only if you’re getting something out of it.
Life is too precious to waste it reading things that don’t add value somehow.
Links:
1. Aaron’s Channel
2. Please fill this form
3. Are You Standing In Your Own Way? - Friend Link
4. Scared of Making A Decision? - Friend Link
5. How Do You Get Back From A Writing Slump? - Friend Link
6. When You Moved To The U.S., Did You Find What You Were Seeking? - Friend Link
7. 5 Lessons I Learned from 30 years of living - My Most Recent YouTube Video
P.S: if you’ve emailed me the past month, expect a reply before Friday. :)
Thank you so much for being here.
You are such a bright light - don’t let this physical world take away your light.
Become yourself.
With love,
Kamga.